This is Calm
- KDL
- Oct 18, 2024
- 5 min read
first in a series on Anxiety
This painting is the first in a series of four that I started several years ago. I'm not much of an artist, but I wanted to try to create a visual representation of my experience with anxiety. I recognize that everyone is different, and others who struggle with anxiety may not have the same experience, but my audience was people who have never experienced the level of anxiety that some of us do. I wanted to try to explain how it feels in a way that anyone could understand and hopefully find helpful.
This painting is called "Calm." If I had my way, this would be the state of my mind at all times. In this picture, the person is happy and healthy. I chose to represent this with vibrant green. Green has always reminded me of growth, health, and refreshment, like a verdant Spring after a dreary winter. Green is also often a symbol of hope. The world looks bright and orderly. Notice that many of the squares surrounding the person are also green. The person has margin to contribute to the world around them without being depleted. They can be helpful without being exhausted.The Calm person is healthy, hopeful, and helpful.
Surrounding the person are many ideas, events, emotions, and issues. Notice that there is a wide variety of possible distractions or concerns as depicted by the various colors. However, the possible chaos of the multiple inputs from the person's environment is kept in check. All the colors are kept in a consistent pattern that the person does not disrupt, but participates in.
The core of the person represents personal values and thoughts, a black and white filter that centers them, and maintains their response and participation in the environment. At the center is their most important core belief that directs everything else that they do. For me this is my faith in God. Knowing the omnipotent loving Creator and Sustainer is what keeps my being intact.
It would be lovely to just stay in this place of Calm, but the truth is life is hard. Storms come on suddenly, or build up slowly as we watch with alarm.
A child rebels.
A job ends.
A big bill arrives.
A doctor pronounces bad news.
A friendship ends.
And on it goes...
Sometimes the storm is quieter, but no less destructive. Self-doubt creeps in. Insecurity becomes the loudest voice in your head. Past failures bleed into the present instead of staying tucked away where they belong. These are the struggles that are harder to explain to people around us when externally life looks "fine." It's not fine, and it's hard to stay Calm during these invisible battles.
Although life can't always be Calm, it's important to know what Calm looks like and what it feels like so that we can always return to that state. My daughters used to do competitive gymnastics, and one of the ways they trained for some of the skills was shape training. With the assistance of a coach they would make one of the key shapes their body was supposed to be in during a skill. Perhaps they would stand on their hands while a coach supported their feet. They would position everything from their fingers to their toes in the correct postion for that shape. The coach might remind them to point their toes, tuck their head, or tighten their abs. Then when everything was in place they would hold that shape and build up muscle memory of what it felt like. I think learning to find Calm is very similar. The more we practice it the easier it is to return there after something upsetting occurs. So how do we build our muscle memory of what Calm looks like?
Calm is healthy - Physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care is a top priority in order to stay Calm. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19) and it needs rest, good food, water, and exercise to stay healthy. Your emotions need attention, too. Are you depleted from spending too much time with others (introverts) or too little time with others (extroverts)? Are you grieving? Are you lonely, angry, hurt? Take stock, and meet your emotional needs. When is the last time you sat in the presence of God to listen for His voice? Have you worshiped lately? Have you feasted on God's word? All of these practices require time, but it is time well invested as you tend to every aspect of who you are and stay healthy. I think this is the hardest step, but also the most necessary. To return to the gymnastics analogy - everyone loves the tumbling runs, but in order to do those fantastic series of flips, twists, and turns one must do hours of conditioning, weight training, and practice. In order to be Calm, you need to be healthy, and in order to be healthy you have to put in the work.
Calm is hopeful - It's hard to remain optimistic during a storm of external circumstances or internal doubts, but there is a tried and true way to cultivate hope - gratitude! It might seem counter-intuitive to look for things to be thankful for when you're already struggling, but there's some proven science behind this idea. Of course we're just proving what God already told us. For example, in Philippians 4:6-7 Paul tells us not to be anxious, but to pray and with thanksgiving make our requests known to God. The outcome: the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. Viewing the world through a lens of gratitude will help you see signs of hope everywhere.
Calm is helpful - When we're healthy and hopeful we have the ability to help others around us. The goal of being Calm isn't selfish. When we're at our best we're more able to be a blessing of comfort to other people. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (II Corinthinas 1:3-4, ESV) God comforts us so that we can comfort others, not just so we'll be comfortable!
In upcoming posts I'll look at the other stages of anxiety as interpreted in my paintings, but I wanted to start with Calm. This is where we start so that no matter what stage we may find ourselves in we can always come back here.
Some music that helps me stay Calm...
It’s late & I enjoyed reading. Must read again tomorrow when I have more ability is soak it all up. All good reminders & so easy to forget.